❝ what can i say ? all that softball practice doesn’t earn you nothing to show for it. i’m packing some mega guns. ❞ oh, she knows that’s not quite what she meant, but let her pretend, let the blush stop blooming. ❝ you really think so ? ❞
“ You’re definitely IMPRESSIVE. ”You’d have to be blind not to notice her, is what Jeff doesn’t say. Blind, deaf, and living under a rock to walk the halls of their school and not have Midge Klump on the radar in some form or another. “ Maybe we could knock the ball around together some time? ” Knock the ball around?! JESUS, Atkins, step up your game!
It wasn’t that Jeff was necessarily wrong , it was Sana liked to be RIGHT . If she had gotten that answer , it had to be the CORRECT one . The same went for most of the answers circled on the sheet in front of them .
❝ Uh . . ❞ A pause as chocolate eyes skim over his scratch sheet , eraser giving motion toward the problem .
❝ I divided there , not multiplied , and it should be a six , not a three . ❞ Word problems weren’t exactly Sana’s forte , but she’s ALMOST positive she worked it correctly .
❝ Here- - - You can try with the next one and I might even let you pick the answer this time . ❞ Smile threatens to pull at the corners of her lips as she glances over to Jeff , giving the paper a gentle nudge in his direction .
Jeff’s thumb skims the edge of his chin, skirting his bottom lip as he chews Sana’s explanation over and over. Until it’s dissolved into something he can clearly swallow, clearly understand. “ Well, I hope I don’t disappoint you. ” There’s a smile tugging at his lips, and its easy to let it rest there. But as Jeff takes to the paper, moving numbers, lifting and rearranging them to find an answer to a question that will never SERVE him in real life, Jeff’s smile slides off bit by bit, until his mouth is a circle of concentration, twisted to the side. By the time he’s found the solution, that smile is nowhere to be seen. Then again, it’s easy to find. “ I just want to say right now, that math is hard and complex, and I think I at least deserve some kind of ‘ YOU TRIED ’ sticker if this is wrong. I’m just saying. ”
eyes NARROWED at the atkins boy when addressed. the unexpected kindness towards him, GENUINE concern about his well being. something that many people didn’t express towards him due to RECENT EVENTS. truth be told, he wasn’t okay. his mother, for UNKNOWN reasons, actually decided to show up to the PT meeting. but of course, that meant she had to bring the FLAVOR of the week.
“ WHAT ?? “ brow furrowing before grey hues follow his gaze to the stranger TOWERING over his mother. “ oh RIGHT. yeah, you wanted to go over some notes. “ he shrugged, digits shoved deeper into the pockets of his jacket, SHAKING his head when jeff introduced himself to his mother. justin watched the FAKE smile curl on her lips, putting on a SHOW in front of his classmates. doing anything she could to hide the truth that laid beneath the BROKEN home.
Big brotherly instinct was wound as tight as ace bandages around Jeff. He was a miracle baby, his parents pride and joy, and they frequently told him how much they valued him, how he was enough, always enough for the two of them, but growing up, Jeff still LONGED for a brother. Someone he could coach and protect and guide, someone he could teach to flirt, and ride bikes with down to the convenience store four blocks from their house. Someone to go camping with and play baseball ( or soccer or football or hockey or or or ) with.
But he never had that. Instead he had the boys on his little league team. Instead he had cousins and friends from school –– Jordan & Luis & Chase & Clay –– and Justin. Even Justin. Especially Justin.
“ Yeah, I do. ” He aimed a terse smile at Justin’s mother, making only the FAINTEST attempt to hide the worry clouding his eyesight, and that was for the benefit of his mother, her . “ Come on, man, I’ll try to be fast.” He wouldn’t be FAST. He’d be a geriatric old man shuffling his way across a crosswalk. With a limb.
When they were far enough away, Jeff brought his hand gently to Justin’s shoulder. “ You okay? That seemed INTENSE. ”
“ you clearly don’t know me fully. ” he chuckles nervously, his hands were starting to shake and at the mention of her, he couldn’t stop his butterflies. no he can’t, he didn’t wanna ruin her night, it was fine for him to just watch. “ sh-she’s not my girl… I’m not afraid, just– okay maybe. of rejection. i’m not her type.”
“ Jensen, I’m going to ask you one thing, and I need you to answer seriously. ” Jeff’s hands fold together in front of him. In Jeff-speak that’s a sure-fire sign that the big boy pants are now OFFICIALLY on. Clay had better buckle up.“ What’s the WORST that’ll happen? She says no and… What? It’ll be awkward during graduation? You work with Hannah, right? It’ll only be weird if you let it be… So don’t let it be. ” Jeff goes one step further, driving his point home with FORCE. “ And you know what? She might just say yes. But if you don’t ask her, you’re going to get older, graduate college and be in your mid-thirties and regretting not asking Hannah Baker out. ”
“ Hey, ” approaching with an easy gait –– that of someone who knows the whole world is up ahead, just around the corner if you keep driving driving driving –– Jeff drops into the seat by the pretty girl sitting on her own. Like Cinderella in a pair of jeans, brown waves in place of locks of gold. It’s just FINE, he’s always had a thing for the ordinary, quiet kind of beauty. He hopes she won’t disappear into her pumpkin carriage so soon. “ You look kind of uncomfortable. Everything okay? ” His hand outstretched, an offering of friendship. “ I’m Jeff – you’re Graziella, right? Tony’s little sister? ”
She’s a swerve of lights and a rush of ADRENALINE like a kick to the chest, breath snatched straight from Jeff;s lungs –– no warning, no explanation. A swish of hair the color of sand or starlight, dirty blond and extraordinary, for a reason he can’t quite figure out. There’s a hole where the answer should be, and Jeff’s wading in shallow memories, trying to place her face, sinking faster than he can swim. who are you / who are you / who are you ?
He tips the barista at Starbucks way too generously and races out after the blonde without thinking. Coffee flies everywhere when he INEVITABLY trips over his feet( be patient with him, Emma, he’s still learning how to walk with legs that won’t forgive him for a night he can’t make up for). “ Shit. Shit. Shit. ” Jeff’s gaze snaps up to meet hers. “ Sorry, did I –– Are you –– I mean, are you –– ” Deep breath in, he starts again. “ Sorry. I’m not usually this much of a MESS. Just… I have to ask: do I know you? ”
having a taller brother had its perks - like when she couldn’t reach her favorite cereal all the way up on the top shelf of the cabinet, but sometimes it had its downfalls - like when she wanted to practice and his aim was at her HEAD instead of the bat grasped in her hands. her nose scrunches at his comment, her voice higher than usual as she mocks the words he’s just uttered. how many times was she going to hear that in her lifetime? it would probably never go away. “no matter how many times you say it, it’s never gonna be funny,” she states, betrayed by the smile growing on her lips. “yeah, let’s TRY AGAIN - maybe don’t try to knock me out this time, huh?”
“ To you. Not funny toyou. Big difference there. ” Jeff grins, matter-of-factly nodding at her. He shakes off the glove for a minute, closing his fingers into a fist once, twice, rolling his shoulders to work out the KINK he’d gotten falling asleep half off his bed. After he’s satisfied, the glove’s back on, the worn baseball cradled in the curve of it. “ I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises. ” But they both know he’s all bark, no bite. Tongue flies over the seam of Jeff’s mouth as he pulls back… And the baseball soars at his sister! Lightening-quick, waiting to CRACK like thunder!
❛ hey, jeff? ❜ his name is a question on her tongue, one that she answers with a smile as gentle as the light in her bedroom. for a while the only sound to fill the space has been a playlist ( soft & sensual, entirely his design; she thinks ) interrupted only by their breathing, and now her voice, alien to her own ears. as he leans away from her her smile grows wider than before, impossibly so. even now his looks are breathtaking to her; moreso, because he seems to have a few expressions that are reserved especially for her. kira presses her lips together, suppressing a smile and the threat of jubilant laughter, before they part to speak again. ❛ i have to ask you - is this mood music? ❜
Jeff’s been watching her for a while now –– even longer, technically if you count all the minutes in between where he’s gazed at her like an art LOVER before the Mona Lisa, like his mother at a big bowl of pasta verde, and his dad mooning over her. But today especially, he’s watched Kira through hooded eyes, a sleepy, relaxed smile soft on his lips. He probably hasn’t even realized it –– it’s just there, as natural as breathing. Surrounded by her light, feminine scent, it’s so easy to be lulled into a deep calm. He can’t once remember being so relaxed “ Hmm? ” His fingers brush the baby-fine strands of hair framing her face. “ Oh. ” He won’t ever admit it, but he hasn’t even been paying attention to the music. Or anything really. Jeff’s mind has been BLANK –– in a good, clean way. “ I guess so. ” You can’t really tell, but his cheeks deepen with color, accentuated by the sharp cut of his cheekbones. “ What? Don’t tell me you don’t like Drake? ” He momentarily looks WOUNDED. “ Kira, he’s the LOVE DOCTOR. ”
“ Dude, Tony. ” It’s so EASY, so simple to fall in step beside him, leather-meeting letterman, blue and black, and the jelled hair they share in common, of course. “ I need your help. It’s my dad’s birthday coming up and his car’s been busted for the past… ” Jeff blows a breath free, his chest falling. “ I don’t even know. Think you can help me out and give it a look some time? I’m thinking of fixing it myself but I don’t even know where to start. ” Cars, unfortunately, have never been his ‘ thing’. All he knows is how to drive them.
ELBOWS REST in an uncivilised manner upon tabletop , gaze focused on the other –– own digits blindly plucking another chip from its confines ; ‘ justin and i are hoping to get into the same college , him with a basketball scholarship of course .. and i kind of wanted to do something a little different but .. we’ll see . ’ perhaps it takes him a moment or two to REALLY process other’s words ; ‘ wait , are you suggesting i need to make different friends ? ’
He WINCES, and it’s like the grimace someone makes when the truth is UNDENIABLE once it’s out there. Embarrassing and cringy and too REAL to ignore. “ I didn’t say that, man. But maybe that’s what you heard. ” Maybe, in another life, he could have been good friends with Zach ––– but maybe it’s not too late for that. Meet Jeff Atkins –– friend to many, a figurative big brother to many more. The role he was BORN to play. “ Justin’s a good guy. You’re a good guy, too. But, I know the rest of that crowd, man. ” They’re good guys –– there’s those words again! –– but they can be narrow-minded, even Jeff knows this. “ I’m just saying… Nothing wrong with broadening your horizons a little. ”
